Cheese

Went to watch the "Abingdon's got Talent" talent show, with Alan & Sue. Held in the town square where the kebab van normally sits. The Mayor turned out, and the guest celebrity judge was the young blonde woman who reads the news for BBC Oxford. As you'd expect, there were many entries in the 'street dance' and 'body popping' categories. The worst offender being, 'Swan Blanc', who pranced around like an idiot to the "windows crash remix theme". God, that was embarrassing. And yes, that is his real name. If I'd had any rotting fruit about my person, that would have been the time I would have thrown it.

Standouts (for me) were 'Big John', who regaled us with some out of tune Northern soul, belted out at the top of his voice. And the man who attempted to play "Swords of a 1000 men" by Tenpole Tudor, on his ukelele. Both destined to fail. But they gave it a go, anyway. That to me, is pure Englishness. Made from the same stuff as Robert Falcon Scott. Bless them. Unfortunately, I wasn't in charge of dishing out today's prizes, and a man who "Irish Danced" won the over 17s group. While an angsty girl with an acoustic guitar, won the under 17s.

Mister Sumo disgraced himself, by pinching one of the judge's toasted cheese sandwiches. He'd first sniffed it when it was being delivered. And she'd made the fatal mistake of putting it down on the floor, by her feet. Before I knew what was happening, he'd whipped it. The only evidence of what had transpired was a piece of thinly sliced tomato laying forlornly on the ground. The only bit he hadn't managed to cram into his gob.

We then got kicked out of "The Black Swan", before we'd even gone in. Because Sumo is a dog. and dogs are not welcome. "The Black Boar" had a big sign saying "No Dogs", so we settled for "The Punchbowl". The landlady had a fear of big dogs, but he was allowed in anyway, as long as he didn't climb on the furniture. The regulars all made a fuss of him. So, The Punchbowl gets my "Best Pub in Abingdon" award. Rough and ready, unpretentious, and full of lovely people.